BEST OF JODYS BOX: INCINTERATING A POTATO IN A MICROWAVE VERSUS MOTOCROSS TECH

On May 12, 2025 Last updated May 13, 2025

BY JODY WEISEL

They tell me the world is a better place thanks to the microwave, answering machine, ATM banking and the home computer. These modern inventions, among many others, have been ranked in a recent survey as major contributors to making the lives of everyday Americans more enjoyable. But, I’m not so sure that they do.

I doubt that incinerating a potato in less than a minute equals the joy of smelling a spud cooking in one of those antiquated oven-things. I’m uncertain that having messages left on my phone by people I never wanted to talk to in the first place is better than the bliss of missing a phone call from an insurance salesman. Money had meaning when I had to go into the bank and prove to a suspicious teller that I was who I said I was (not to mention commiserating with all the other people in line who were wondering “Why is it taking so long?”). Now, money pops out like so many pieces of Bazooka Joe from a bubble gum machine. The techies think that the computer is such a marvelous time saver that it opens up the user’s free time for more leisure activities—however, most hard-core users can’t tear themselves away from it long enough to enjoy the time they’ve saved—they’re too busy downloading pictures of Taylor Swift’s head on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body (or other less titillating combinations).

How did I come by my distrust of technological improvements? That’s easy. I race motorcycles. That fact alone makes me distrust the “next new thing.” Here’s why.

Forks: Each year the manufacturers tell you the bikes are “better”, “more sophisticated”, “improved” and have “larger diameter tubes.” Yet, each year you have to send your new wonder forks off to have them revalved by an old guy with a handful of wave washers and a quart of fork oil. Bigger fork legs just cost more to UPS them to a suspension shop.

Shocks: In 1998 KTM had an ad touting “The Shock With a Brain” as part of their new PDS no-link suspension system. If this shock had a brain, it came from a beaker labeled “Abby Normal.”

Carbon Fiber: Recently, I visited a factory that made really cool, molded, carbon fiber parts for motorcycles. Guess what? They make this high-tech, futuristic, whiz-bang stuff the same way they made my Dad’s 1957 Glasstron bass boat. To me it looks like fiberglass with a catchy name. Face it, before I’d buy a $150 carbon fiber front disc guard to save a few grams, I’d take the stock disc guard off, throw it in the trash and save a pound.

Goggle lenses: Have you read the ad copy for goggles lenses? Superman’s parents had easier names to pronounce than the names of the stuff they use to make lenses. I have a few elemental suggestions for future names of lens material: Actinium (Greek for ray, like rays of light); Aphronium (Greek for foolish); Dysprosium (Greek for hard to get at, as in hard to put in the frame); or Lutetium (Latin for Paris, for use at the Paris Supercross).

Replaceable soles: Many boot companies offer screw-on inserts that allow you to make the soles of your boot brand new. That’s kind of like giving Granny a pair of Air Jordan’s for her birthday. Yes, her feet look young, but the rest of her is still old. Even worse, the first generation of replaceable soles fell off. Now, the boot companies glue them on with Osmium (Greek for a really smelly glue) so that it takes a chisel to get them off.

Knee brace pants: I wear knee braces and because of me (and the large number of racers who wear knee braces), every motocross pant manufacturer in the world is making the knee portion of their leathers twice as large as they need to be. My knees like it, but there is a tug of regret when I see racers walking around with baggy pants just because of my medial collateral ligament.

“WHEN YOU ASK SOMEONE, “WHAT TIME IS IT?” AND THEY ANSWER “HALF PAST SIX.” — THAT’S ANALOG. IF THEY SAY, “6:31,” THAT’S DIGITAL. GOT IT?”

Carbs: In the good old days, a racer had to chose between the metered leak of a Bing or controlled leak of an Amal. My how times have changed! Now you can get poorly jetted carbs with bat wings, two main jets, electronic throttle position sensors and D-shaped slides. Even better, you now are stuck with fuel injection systems that you can’t change your jetting on without being fluent in Python 3.10.2.

Digital ignitions: We used to have analog ignitions and now we have digital ones. What’s the difference? Try this analogy: When you ask someone, “What time is it?” and they answer “Half past six.” — that’s analog. If they say, “6:31,” that’s digital. Got it?

Adjustable damping: Isn’t it amazing that modern suspension components have 20 compression clicks and not a single one of them works?

You probably think that I’m a technophobe — not true. Just the opposite. I see opportunity in technology. proven by the fact that a large portion of my net worth comes from patent royalties. The world will beat a path to the man who builds a better mousetrap, but the first people to get there will be patent infringement lawyers, workman’s compensation claimants and tax collectors.